I used to think what I saw on television was sensationalized
simply to outdo whatever was on the other channels. But sadly, I’ve learned through my experience at Blue
Monarch that the violence on television actually falls way short of what people
really do to one another.
Strangely enough, I’ve heard more than one first-hand story from
a woman who was beaten and then left for dead in a ditch before getting
discovered days later. Several of
our residents have suffered from hearing loss or even brain damage from severe blows
to the head. We had one survivor
at Blue Monarch who was stabbed seven times and then amazingly lived to tell
about it. And we currently have a
courageous woman who miraculously survived five gunshot wounds to her belly and
will face her attacker in court soon.
(There are much more horrific stories that I keep to myself because I
don’t want others to wish they could un-hear them, too.)
Sometimes I think abuse takes a backseat to addiction. In the beginning of Blue Monarch, I expected
to focus primarily on domestic violence, but I quickly learned that drug use
becomes the easiest way to self-medicate, and then this often leads to drug
addiction. The two go hand in hand
much of the time.
Abuse is such a part of the culture in some families that it’s
not even recognized as abuse.
Often our applicants do not consider themselves as victims of abuse
until they later learn their experience was not normal – or legal. This is especially true if domestic
violence was something they observed growing up.
I can’t count the times I have been asked, usually in a sympathetic
whisper, if I was motivated to start Blue Monarch because I was a victim of
domestic violence. Thankfully the
answer to that question is a big, fat “no”.
However, someone very dear to me was, and I struggled for over
twenty years to help her find a way out.
Somehow there was always an obstacle that prevented her from leaving – and
most of those obstacles had to do with one thing: her extremely low self-esteem, which was a hard thing to fix
by that time. Surprisingly, one
day she actually made the decision to leave, so we took off to Florida for a
few days.
She was like a bird out of a cage for the first time. She took absolute delight in the
simplest things: being able to empty the contents of her purse onto the bed,
taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking barefoot across the room
with sandy feet, not having to straighten her naturally curly hair…For the
first time in many years, she was in control of her life, and she was loving
it!
But sadly this story had a tragic ending. Before our flight back home landed at
the airport, her husband violently took his own life, which ended the abuse but
did not end the pain, trauma, or damage by a long shot. (I suspect I’m not the only one who has
pondered “what if” hundreds of times since then.)
We do not exclude men at Blue Monarch. Quite the contrary, we love to have good
men participate in our program. We
have two very smart and wonderful men who lead a book study every Friday with
our residents. Faithful male
volunteers help by mentoring and tutoring our children or working on
maintenance projects. We believe
it’s important to expose the women and children to men who are kind, generous,
and respectful. In fact, just
yesterday one of our residents told me she hoped she could find someone like
Daniel one day (a pastor who leads Bible study twice a week) because “if she
could find someone who loved God the way he did, he would surely love her the
right way.”
We recently had a lunch to honor Madeline and Howell Adams,
who have completed a significant pledge to Blue Monarch. After every visit we always hear lots
of comments about how “down to earth and nice” they are. This is so true, but what seems to make
the greatest impression on the women of Blue Monarch is how Madeline and Howell
express their tremendous love and respect for one another. “Did you see the way she looked at
him?” “Could you believe how sweet
he was to her?”
We cover a lot of important issues at Blue Monarch, but
through our work to improve self-esteem, build confidence, and study healthy
relationships, if we can also raise the bar for future partners, we may have
one more chance at changing future generations to come.
We want every woman at Blue Monarch to celebrate who she is
and realize just how very special God made her! For every day she’s reminded of how uniquely wonderful she
is, the stronger that conviction becomes embedded in her heart – and the further
she gets from allowing someone to convince her otherwise someday.
I praise you because I
am fearfully and wonderfully made… Psalms 139:14
