"You're getting colder...now warmer..."

One might say I totally overreacted to the empty nest syndrome. In fact, my husband used to say that when my only child left for college, I went out and got fifty more. The timing was interesting, I suppose, but perhaps God knew I would never give Blue Monarch my total attention if the apple of my eye was still living under my roof.

This past week I realized I was going through the empty nest thing again. Three of our graduates had completed our extended WINGS program and were stepping out on their own. I had become comfortable knowing they were just down the hill and that they would occasionally pass through with their kids after work or school. But no longer. They were spreading their wings and moving on to the next chapter in their lives. And while I realized that was the goal, which we were all striving for, it still tugged at my heart to see them leave. “Geez, can’t you stay a little longer?” 

Completing this phase of our entire recovery journey is equivalent to earning a Blue Monarch doctorate degree. The work it takes to reach this point is not for the faint of heart. As I often say, “Blue Monarch is not for sissies.” The WINGS transitional program for graduates, which began in 2016, has become surprisingly successful, even to those of us who developed it. In fact, this extended year-long graduate program has a staggering 100% success rate, which is almost unheard of in the recovery community. (This statistic includes only those who complete the entire graduate program, evaluated a year beyond completion.)

I can’t help but think back to where Kayla, Mallory, and Lateisha were when they walked through our doors the very first time several years ago. As with all our families, it’s as if they walk in carrying an enormous duffle bag on their backs. The tremendous weight is nearly unbearable and as soon as they cross our threshold, the bag flops onto the floor and all sorts of ugly things roll out: shame, guilt, addiction, abuse, woundedness, unforgiveness, hate, resentment, lack of trust, and even rage. Sometimes the bag vomits the contents all at one time, other times they trickle out over the weeks and months ahead. 

I recently stumbled upon a Youtube video of a child trying to hit a pinata. The girl was blindfolded but her mom would occasionally place her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and gently guide her right or left to keep her on track. It struck me how similar this was to our relationship with these three about to venture out on their own. "You're getting colder...now warmer..."

My word, there were all the times when Kayla looked us in the eyes with great conviction and declared she was making a good, solid decision, when we all knew she was drifting off track. “Move to the right, Kayla, you’re getting colder...colder.” Fortunately, she always came back around by using two of her greatest strengths, her strong faith and her willingness to remain teachable. 

Then, reflecting on Mallory’s journey is almost too much for my heart. In fact, her story is included in my book, From My Front Row Seat, because it was one of my most profound Blue Monarch experiences. We should have renamed her Lazarus because she had so many near-death events – times when she really should have been discharged, but God made it overwhelmingly clear to me, even through a supernatural vision, that she needed to stay. “Turn around, Mallory, you need to turn completely around. Reach for the target until you can feel it.” Turns out he was right because she did turn completely around and her recovery story is remarkable.

And Lateisha, I can’t help but imagine myself saying, “Hit it harder, Lateisha! Be fierce! Show some passion!” Lateisha always had such great potential and had actually completed more education than the majority of the women we serve, but it was sometimes a struggle to get her motivated about her own future. I often felt we were more excited than she was. In my work ethics class, I discourage them from using terms that are overused, such as “determined,” but in Lateisha’s case, it’s hard to find an appropriate substitute. She has proven to be deeply determined and has quietly and steadily risen to the top.

So, as I sit back and admire these families moving on, this is what I see:

·      Kayla adores being a mom, has a thriving cleaning business that supports her family while she is attending college to become a history teacher, and shares her love for Jesus with everyone she can.  

·      Mallory overcame some earlier struggles with her son and they now have a bond that is undeniable! She loves her job as a medical assistant and her radiant smile lights up the room. No longer does she struggle with her sobriety because she has finally found the true meaning of freedom and carries it with confidence.

·      Lateisha continued to further her education, received her associate’s degree, also became a medical assistant, and was immediately offered a good paying job. She and her daughter are enjoying life together – with a passion that actually shows on their faces.

In other words, the nasty bags they carried in have been thrown away along with all their ugly contents. And now, with great strength and intensity, they get to strike at the pinata full of unexpected blessings, and be showered with good things they have earned through hard work, lots of time, many tears, and tremendous perseverance. That's not to say they won't face normal hardships from time to time. But this time they will have the tools they need to prevent those challenges from spiraling out of control. "Hit it hard! You've got this!" 

As for our empty nests, well, I realize they are never truly empty. There will always be the next one to grab by the shoulders and gently guide one way or the other. And once again, with time, we'll get to remove the blindfolds to reveal the goodies that burst out of the pinata. I look forward to it every single time because it's usually surprising, occasionally mind-blowing - but always beautiful.

Lord, thank you for the amazing privilege to walk alongside the women and children we serve. Please keep them in the palm of your hand as they face new challenges, opportunities, and decisions. Amen

Click here to read the earlier blog post about Mallory, which is included in my book, From My Front Row Seat:  http://susanatblue.blogspot.com/2022/05/the-unexpected-detour.html