The newfound freedom was a daily rush. I was a college freshman, living in a dorm with no restrictions (other than the fact my parents booked me on the only floor at a school of 40,000 students where boys were NEVER allowed.) Despite all that, being able to come and go at all hours of the night with absolutely no accountability was a thrill like no other.
The privilege I enjoyed the most was having food available around the clock, which was a complete culture shock. I was accustomed to three meals a day and that was it. Breakfast was typically eggs, bacon, and biscuits (unless my mother and father were disagreeing about something in which case we had toast.) And supper was always at 5:00 sharp, the minute my father walked in the door after work. We never had food just lying around and I don’t really remember snacking.
So, it was an irresistible delight to have 24-hour access to pizza, enormous deli sandwiches piled high with meats and cheeses, frozen chocolate covered bananas, and unlimited milkshakes by simply going downstairs when I felt the least bit hungry - or just wanted to eat because I could.
It didn’t hit me what I had done until I came home for Thanksgiving. My brother, who felt no need or desire to sugar coat things for me, said, “Your face! It’s so fat!” I glanced at a nearby mirror and realized he was right. What happened? Turns out, I had gained thirty pounds in just a matter of weeks since going off to college for the first time.
Not only did my new (reckless) level of independence make me bigger, but I was convinced I was wiser as well. When I announced plans to go to Miami with my new boyfriend, the football team quarterback, my parents said I couldn’t go. So, after I got to Miami, I called to let them know I had gone anyway since they failed to provide me with a good reason not to. My poor parents...
Everything I just described is what we face every single day at Blue Monarch - several times over. But I can’t say we saw it coming.
In 2016, through a very generous, unexpected gift, we built the first four cottages of our WINGS Community - a place for our graduates to live as they transition into a new job, school, or both. We thought we were simply providing temporary affordable housing to our graduates, but we quickly learned we had embarked on the most critical phase of our recovery program.
No budgeting oversight rapidly developed into overdrafts and unnecessary extravagance. One I remember in particular was the purchase of $200 worth of Easter candy, which was probably worth $400 since it had already been marked down.
And for whatever reason, all the credit card applications started showing up in the mail for our graduates as if some evil debt villain was just waiting to get his claws into them. Therefore, some were quick to accumulate enormous debt in a short period of time.
One of the most obvious shifts fell into the category of parenting. It was easy to fall back into old habits and in no time the kids were out of control, and all the structure we had worked so hard to develop had flown out the window. Mom was no longer in charge, and her children were eating Fruit Loops for dinner.
And I can’t ignore the fact there was immediate temptation to go off to Miami with the quarterback, so to speak, which I know firsthand is never a good idea. (One guy who resurfaced even had the name of a famous cowboy, but it turned out that was all he had going for him.)
We suddenly realized why we had heard stories from former graduates who occasionally struggled after leaving Blue Monarch. We always wondered, “Why didn’t she just apply what she learned here?” Well, now it was obvious this phase following graduation was risky and full of dangerous forks in the road - just like a kid going off to college for the first time. Except this was worse because most didn’t have strong foundations growing up to counterbalance their choices. And they had children to care for while learning to be an adult.
So, this is how our amazing WINGS Transitional Program for Graduates began. One by one we began putting processes in place to address all the problem issues. What we ultimately developed was a unique and powerful recovery program with a success rate that grew from 77% to a staggering 100%. We designed the transitional program to introduce independence gradually instead of suddenly throwing them into the outside world. And we balanced freedom and independence with a healthy level of accountability and support.
As a result, our WINGS graduates have become absolute rock stars! Here are just a few examples of the paths they have taken: a successful business owner, dental assistant, medical assistant, cosmetologist, phlebotomist, realtor, and even a pilot. And eight of our WINGS graduates now work for Blue Monarch in programming, administrative, and development roles. In fact, even our Executive Director is a WINGS graduate.
If I ever need a reminder of what this extended program has created, I simply visit our WINGS Community in the early evening. It turns into an idyllic village of eight colorful cottages straight out of a storybook: women returning from work with proud grins on their faces, kids riding bikes on the sidewalk, moms laughing together at picnic tables as their children enjoy the playground, and toddlers loving on our dog, Atticus. I always walk away with a full and satisfied heart - impressed by our “college freshmen” for all they have accomplished - and grateful they’re not sitting on a beach in Miami with a bucket full of regrets.
Lord, thank you for holding our moms and kids in the palm of your hand as they discover the incredible paths you have for them. Amen
