Confession. I often consider myself a “Bible idiot.” The Old Testament confuses me and the story that makes my head spin is the one of the Israelites leaving Egypt and going to the Promised Land. It's a blurry cycle of wandering around with ungrateful, grouchy hearts and little faith while making God angry, even though he always comes around and forgives their pathetic behavior - again.
Recently I set out to get this messy story straightened out in my head and when I did, I made an interesting discovery. It started to sound familiar because I was living this story every single day. Honestly, there are so many parallels to Blue Monarch, we could be a modern-day version of the same exact story. Here’s what I mean:
Misery in Eqypt - the families we serve typically come from generations (400 years?) of addiction, abuse, and misery. In fact, it is not unusual for our women to have been taught to use drugs by a parent or grandparent. Perhaps they were even arrested together. They literally become slaves to their drugs of choice, which ultimately leads to bondage - sometimes behind bars.
With her children buckled in the back seat of her car, this mom parked on a lonely country road, with a plan to kill herself out of desperation. She had even put things in place so someone would find the children shortly after she committed suicide. But miraculously, a nurse (who was oddly wearing an old-timey nurse’s cap) appeared on foot at her car door to see if she needed help. When she heard this mother’s hopelessness, the nurse recommended Blue Monarch - and the rest is history. Miracle after miracle of deliverance from the slavery and oppression described above.
Those Ten Commandments - just like the Israelites struggled to follow the commandments from God, the rules we have at Blue Monarch are also challenging for many of the women we serve. However, they are necessary to obtain complete and total freedom. Even if the broken rule goes undetected or unconfessed, the action often leads to natural consequences that only make things worse. (In fact, I can totally sympathize with Moses for smashing the tablet of Ten Commandments out of frustration because rule-following is an everyday challenge.)
All You Can Eat Manna - even though God made sure they were cared for each day with manna that literally fell out of the sky through no effort of their own, the Israelites grew tired of it and became very ungrateful. Sadly, we sometimes see this as well. Even though I hear lots of tearful expressions of thankful hearts, I’m always surprised when a woman does not feel gratitude for what Blue Monarch provides. And if I’m totally honest, it also hurts my feelings because it's as if she has taken a beautifully wrapped gift from God and thrown it on the floor. After all, it’s a gorgeous home on a large farm in the country, with every possible need met. But for a few, it’s not enough and we can’t make someone feel thankful. However, I have collected many notes from ones who appreciated later what they gained. Unfortunately, by then they feel regret, too.
Fear of Giants - this is a phenomenon we see a lot. The Israelites finally reached a point of entering the Promised Land, but when they saw the giants in the land, they decided it would be better to go all the way back to Egypt - to the pain and chaos they knew. At least that was familiar. Even though they knew Canaan was filled with milk and honey, it was not worth facing the unknown. And they didn't trust God to get them through it.
This is such a great description of what our moms sometimes experience. The fear of success can be overwhelming and paralyzing. It’s unfamiliar and frightening - just like the giants. “I understand addiction. Being successful feels scary." In other words, "Please give me back my misery."
There was a woman here who lived on the roof of a grocery store for a season. But she referred to those days as “the best place I ever lived.” To most this would be dreadful. But to her it was familiar and there were no giants.
This delusion is sometimes passed down to the children as well. We once had a child who had lived in a shed barely big enough for a mattress from wall to wall. This child even suffered abuse in this space, but when he drew a picture of the shed, he colored a massive, spectacular mansion. He had already learned to settle for familiar and make it better in his head.
Missing Out - this is also one that hurts. The Israelites who rebelled and demonstrated fear and a lack of gratitude missed the chance to experience the Promised Land. They continued to wander until their entire generation was gone - but their children were able to enter instead.
One of the hardest parts of our job is to witness a mother making poor choices, which cause her to leave our program, while her children suffer the consequences. We have all shed tears over this scenario. Even though the mom may be ungrateful and rebellious, her children were probably thriving and finally felt safe. It’s heartbreaking to see the kids leave with her, knowing they are going to a place that will possibly harm them in some way. For that reason, we often stay in touch as long as we can to assist in finding another program or safe housing.
God’s Promise - even though it took many generations for God’s promise to Abraham to be fulfilled, his descendants were able to enjoy the benefits of that covenant. The children I just described are the ones who return to Blue Monarch years later as young adults, expressing what an impact their time with us meant to them. “I want my children to live like I did here, and I want my grandchildren to live like that, too.” They have fond memories to share and it’s obvious their childhoods were shaped by what they learned and experienced with us. So, even though their mothers may not have entered the Promised Land, the next generation did because their mothers got them here.
Give Me Canaan - I feel God makes a promise to every woman we serve. And I have seen those promises fulfilled hundreds of times in ways that still surprise me. It’s truly remarkable the impossible doors that open, the crooked paths that straighten, and the hardened hearts that soften when our moms put their faith in God, trust his word, follow his commandments, express their heartfelt gratitude, and cherish their journeys.
But it’s the ones who grab the hand of Jesus to face the giants together who find the land of milk and honey and leave Egypt to never look back.
*****
"And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites...a land flowing with milk and honey." Exodus 3:17
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