"Quite frankly, I didn't think I was that big of a deal."

As soon as the young man walked into my bakery, a whiff of the fog surrounding him took me right back to the 70’s.  He was wearing a worn out t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off at the shoulders, and when he turned around, the back of his shirt displayed an upside-down American flag that had big x’s marked across it with a broad tipped black marker.  I assumed he was there to place an order at the counter.

Much to my surprise, when I returned to the dining room, someone had given him a job application.  Okay, so this will be interesting.  Now I owe the guy an interview.

When the young man completed his application, I sat down to discuss it with him.  He started with a question.  “Do I have to give you my real social security number?”  (Who prefers the fake one?)

I studied his answers and work history.  The first thing that jumped off the page was that he had been dishonorably discharged from the Army.  Had to appreciate the honesty, but naturally I was curious.

“So, why were you dishonorably discharged?”  

“Well, when it started out, I was just pretending to be crazy.  But by the time it was all over, I really WAS crazy.”  A real-life Klinger.

Somehow, I just couldn’t walk away.  “Well, I see that you were an electrician’s mate.  Did you like that kind of work?”

“Oh yeah!  I LOVED it!”

“So, I’m curious.  Why aren’t you looking for an electrical job, working with an electrician?”

He leaned over the table and motioned for me to come closer because he had something private to tell me. The aroma of the 70’s was even stronger now and I couldn’t imagine what his secret might be.  

Then he whispered, “It’s because I don’t BE-LIEVE in electricity.”  He cocked his head and slowly nodded at me, as if he was sure we shared the same radical idea. 

“Well, I hate to tell you, we use a whole lot of it here.  You would be miserable.”

The other day I was thinking back on how many people I had interviewed and employed in my lifetime.  I believe, including my horse farm and boarding operation, my vacation rentals, my bakery/café, Out of the Blue Granola, and Blue Monarch, it’s been hundreds of people.  So, I feel like I have seen and heard it all.  But it was because of one particular Blue Monarch woman that I developed an intensive, 9-week Work Ethics Course that I have been teaching our residents since 2007.

My bakery/café, The Blue Chair in Sewanee, opened in 2000, and Blue Monarch began three years later.  For nine very difficult years I operated both, which was not a good idea.  Needless to say, the fires always burned hotter at Blue Monarch, so my business often suffered.  Thankfully, I sold The Blue Chair in 2012 to a man I will always hold dear, so I am no longer responsible for the amount of onion in the chicken salad, or the fact the business has also become a tavern.  Before selling it, I often used The Blue Chair as a place to employ our Blue Monarch residents, until we later developed onsite employment through Out of the Blue Granola.

Back in 2007, Brandi was a Blue Monarch resident who had become the Saturday morning baker at my business.  It was a pretty important job because this was our biggest day of the week.  On this particular morning, Brandi did not show up for work, which created an enormous crisis for us.  I called to see what happened to her.  She very nonchalantly said, “I had problems with childcare...and quite frankly, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Well, it IS a big deal, you have lost your job, and we will talk about it on Monday.”  In that moment I realized we had a huge issue concerning good work ethics and we needed to solve it – not just for Brandi, but for every other Blue Monarch resident as well.

At that point, I basically developed our Work Ethics Course from all my own bad experiences employing the population we serve.  When I sat down to crunch some numbers and see what Brandi’s negligence had cost The Blue Chair that morning, I began to look at other events involving the women from Blue Monarch, and I soon realized my business had suffered a five-figure loss over the past year because of their poor performance.  

Despite its nasty beginning, teaching Work Ethics has ended up being one of the favorite parts of my job.  A resident does not take my class until she is close to graduating from our one-to-two-year core program.  By this time, she has other intense recovery, healing, and growth behind her, and now she can focus on her future and a job.

This rich course has proven to be very effective in developing successful, conscientious employees.  Like Brandi, we first take an honest look at past work performance and the impact it had on former employers and businesses.  We actually assign a dollar figure to any damage and this often results in tears when they realize the negative impact they had on the places they worked, which is important to understand.  I remember the moment when one particular woman discovered she was the very reason the company went out of business.  She was devastated to learn what she had done to them.  This exercise includes writing a letter of apology, and some are actually mailed because they sincerely want to make amends.  

Then we walk in the shoes of the employer for a while to develop some empathy and see that the boss is not always the bad guy.  (Why is that so often the case? I’ve never understood this.)  Then, we begin to explore unique gifts and strengths.  I love this particular class because we don’t leave until we have a list of 20 strengths for each person.  With every strength we recognize, the smiles on their faces get bigger and bigger.  We continue to explore interests and narrow down realistic possibilities that can become an exciting job or career, not just a paycheck.  Finally, we prepare to do our best in order to obtain that job and keep it.

Back when I did jail interviews myself, I would always ask this question.  “What are your dreams for the future?”  Each answer was the same and came with a blank stare.  “I’ve never thought about it.”

I finally realized, when one has focused most of her life on sheer survival, where is there a place for dreaming about a career or future?  Nevertheless, I continued to ask the question anyway.  I was always hopeful it would plant a seed and cause someone to begin thinking about it.

In my class, however, I get the amazing opportunity to see the light come on for the very first time. The moment when a woman actually begins to truly believe in her heart that she is valuable, that she is capable, and that she can realistically have the job or career that only seemed possible for others.  “Wow.  Maybe I really can do that...”  

Sometimes women in my class have never envisioned anything other than drawing disability benefits, simply because that is what everyone in the family does.  “Hmm...so I don’t have to do that?  Really?” 

I have often wondered if my office literally lights up and hosts of angels begin singing in this powerful moment when they get a glimpse of an exciting future for the first time.  Some women cry, some struggle to hold back a grin that feels out of control, and some sit in a sort of reverent, stunned silence as they gradually process what could potentially happen.  It is powerful.  It is tangible.  You can almost see the ground shaking as they begin to see themselves in a totally new light.  It is overwhelmingly gratifying and gives me chills every single time.  Man, I love it!

For instance, I will never forget the moment Lauren realized she could become a pilot – and she can fly a plane now, all by herself.

Or the day Angela realized she wanted to be a dental assistant, and I will get to see her receive her certificate next month.

But this course has taught me more than anyone else.  All those years when I hit bumps in the road because of the things Blue Monarch women did (or didn’t do) on the job, I always attributed them to being lazy or inconsiderate.  Otherwise, how do you explain an attitude of “quite frankly, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal”?  

What I have learned, however, is this:  when she feels she has absolutely no value, she cannot imagine how her absence makes a difference. If I have nothing to contribute, how can it possibly matter if I am not there?  After all, who would give me something important to do? What she's really saying is, "Quite frankly, I didn't think I was that big of a deal."

As a child, my father told me over and over, “You can do anything you put your mind to.”  In fact, he had me convinced I could be president one day.  I think I was an adult before I realized that probably wasn't going to happen.  I believed him simply because he said it.

Many of the women we serve have also believed things they have been told. Such as, you are stupid, worthless, and ugly - and will never amount to anything.  Can you imagine looking at your future and seeing nothing but a dark, blank wall?

God has given me the amazing privilege to look a woman in the eyes and tell her, “I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to.”  And if it works like it’s supposed to, she will gradually believe what I have said...the room will begin filling up with a bright light that only I can see...and best of all - her children might get to hear those same words before the day is out. Yeah, I love my job.

In fact, my class starts in two minutes and I need to greet some amazing women at the door with a handshake.  Who knows...if I'm lucky, I may get to see some bright lights today!

Lord, please help us to show each woman we serve, the bright and amazing future you have in store for her.  Help us to instill a sense of hope in every child, and to teach our moms to always lift them up.  Amen

Wait. I've been on this train before.

It had to be the greatest speaking gig ever.  It was in the Bahamas.  The family of a prestigious foundation invited me to speak at their 2010 Members and Trustees meeting after hearing my story of how Blue Monarch got started, which began with a powerful dream I had one night many years ago. Naturally I accepted the invitation. Who wouldn’t?

Just a few days before the trip, I received all the impressive printed material that went along with the event.  It was clearly a much bigger deal than I realized.  When I began reading the bios of the other speakers, my heart started beating right out of my chest.  

There was my brief little “Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm” bio, right in the middle of a collection that represented famous scientists and dignitaries we only see on television or hear about in the news.  Oh. My. Gosh.

I began reading more about those who would attend.  The list included all sorts of brainiacs and even Nobel Prize winners.  “These are Albert Einstein type people.  Or is it Alfred?  Okay, that just proves my point!  I don’t belong!”

I immediately picked up the phone to call the family and gracefully decline.  Actually, I wanted to give them an opportunity to uninvite me because clearly there had been a terrible mistake.  “No, we always hear from thinkers.  We would love to hear from a doer.” 

So, off I went to the Bahamas to get in front of a massive crowd of folks who were a thousand times smarter than I was.  My stomach stayed in knots until I finally got my opportunity to speak, which was not until the last evening of the event.  I stepped up onto the podium and said, “Well, I have to confess, when I saw the list of outstanding people attending this meeting, I realized I had precious little time to write a best-selling novel, cure a disease, or bring world peace – so I apologize because I wasn’t able to do any of those things.”  At that point it became surprisingly easy.

I went on to tell the story of Blue Monarch, how we got started from an actual dream I had one night when I was minding my own business, and how it all eventually came true, down to the tiniest detail.  I shared some of the amazing stories of lives changed and lives saved.  The entire banquet hall of dignitaries respectfully listened to every word, appeared to be engaged, and responded with excellent questions.

The next morning a husky man approached me while I was eating breakfast in the hotel.  He said, “I was at the meeting last night and heard your talk.”  He had a very thick British accent, which I have never been able to properly imitate. “Did you see Chuck Colson?  He was hanging on every word you said.”

I hesitated.  “Chuck Colson...Chuck Colson…the name sounds familiar.”

“DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO CHUCK COLSON IS?  WERE YOU NOT BORN IN AMERICA?!”

“Wait.  Wasn’t he involved in Watergate?”

The man was incensed at my ignorance and began giving me the complete rundown of how Mr. Colson founded Prison Fellowship, which had become the country’s largest Christian non-profit serving prisoners and their families, and he had become a leading advocate for criminal justice reform.  He was especially offended I had never heard Chuck Colson on the radio.  Should I tell him I don’t know if it’s Alfred or Albert?  That would really get him in a wad.

When I returned to my room, I quickly looked up Chuck Colson’s photo on my computer so I could see if I remembered seeing him in the crowd. 

Oh, my word.  Yes, I certainly did.

The night before, after dinner when I was returning to my room, I helped a nice couple navigate their way to the elevator.  The gentleman and I both grumbled about how the hotel forced their guests to travel through the chaotic casino to get back to their rooms.  I remembered the man introducing himself, and later when I asked him again to repeat his name (because I had already forgotten it), he and his wife looked at each other and had a good chuckle about it. Well, no wonder. 

Just a few days later, I returned to my office and this is what was already sitting on my desk.  I quickly ripped it open and the first paragraph from Mr. Colson said, “As you perhaps know, I founded Prison Fellowship many years ago when I was released from prison for a Watergate-related offense.”  (He was probably hoping by now I had figured out who he was, for crying out loud.)

The letter also complimented me on my “stirring testimony”. But this is the part I have referred to many times through the years, when I found myself needing a good pat on the back.

“I find it very amazing that you do as much as you do on the kind of budget you have.”  It goes on to say, “I could tell from listening to you that your business skills have been an obvious plus as you’ve realized the fulfillment of your dream.”   Ah...what a meaningful endorsement.

There have been many times since 2003 when I have reached a point where the task ahead seems enormous and much bigger than I am.  But I have realized there is something I refer to as the “perfect cocktail” to trudge ahead.

First of all, it takes a good reminder that God is in control, not me. Blue Monarch is his plan, not mine.  Every time I remind myself of this, I find I can breathe again.

Secondly, it takes many, many folks who listen to God’s call on their own hearts, to share their resources, and help fund the things we do. I take great pride in the fact we have done as much as we have with what we have received.  We always strive to be good stewards of what we have been given and this is often a topic we emphasize in staff meetings. 

Lastly, it takes the endorsement of others for us to grow and thrive.  Many times, regardless of the size of a gift, it is the implied endorsement that means the most.  For instance, just the other day, I was in the Target check-out line an hour away from Blue Monarch when a woman came up to me and said, “Aren’t you the lady from Blue Monarch?”  She shoved a $5-dollar bill into my hand and said, “Here.  Take this.  I want to give this to Blue Monarch.”  

That endorsement from her meant as much to me as the endorsement from Chuck Colson.  When people give of their time or their resources, they also tell us they believe in our mission, they trust us with their investment, and they are cheering us on in our toughest moments.  That means the world to us – especially in times like the ones we are in today.

This past year has been one of the most remarkable years we have ever had at Blue Monarch.  In many ways I would compare it to the very beginning, when I started out each day with a trust fall.  Back then I felt like I stepped onto a fast locomotive train every morning, never knowing where it would take me, but simply trusting God to get me there.

We have experienced unbelievable abundance this year through the generosity of many, many kind-hearted people.  

·     We received gifts to purchase two new 15-passenger vans and can now transport our women and children without the fear of breaking down on the side of the road.

·     Through the generosity of an anonymous family and others, we built four more cottages for our WINGS Transitional Community for Graduates and can now offer this successful, extended opportunity to eight women and their children.

·     By receiving a very unexpected $200,000 matching gift from a sweet couple, we were able to raise the funds from lots of other generous folks to purchase an adjacent 58-acre farm to expand our campus and strengthen our program.

·     And – just one month after the purchase of the farm, we received an unbelievable promise for $825,000 to build an additional 8-family residential facility on our new property.  I received this amazing news from Ben and Joan Rechter on a Friday afternoon when I could still see cows in the very spot where we would be able to build this magnificent home.

We do not take this abundance lightly.  “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  Luke 12:48   

For nearly seventeen years, I have been looking at the fence outside my office window that divided our property from the neighbor’s farm. It was terribly close, and I always hoped and prayed that one day it would be removed and we would be able to cross that boundary.  So naturally, I wanted to be standing there when that “wall” finally came down.  I imagined crossing that line along with all the women and children and staff of Blue Monarch as we would hold hands and dramatically take that momentous step together.  But, despite all my best efforts and planning, the fence came down while I was at a board meeting and I missed it.

As soon as the meeting was over, I raced back so I could see how it looked without the fence in place.  It was not the ceremony I had envisioned, but it turned out even better than that. 

The sun was going down as I jumped out of my car.  I quickly walked out into the pasture with just enough light to avoid the cow patties that were still scattered across the grass.  As I ventured onto this land that I had only observed from a distance, I felt like God was giving me a private viewing of what was up ahead.  It was almost what people refer to as an out of body experience.

I stood on the spot where we plan to build the first of two new homes. I was anxious to see what our women and children would see from their bedroom windows and from the front porch. I could already smell the scent of new construction.

Off in the distance on the horizon was the gorgeous sunset that often feels like a gift just for us.  It was exciting to imagine that some special woman will be seeing that from her bedroom window soon. 

Then I looked across the field at where we hope to build a multi-purpose building one day.  I imagined all the powerful classes that will take place there, I pictured the children in play therapy to overcome hideous traumas, I imagined the counseling, the exercising and ballgames, the healing, the praying, the graduations, the big meals, the events, the music...

Then I looked at the spot where we hope to build a new granola kitchen to take on more business, which will provide more on-site jobs for our women.  And nextdoor, a daycare that will serve our children and the surrounding community as well.  Not only that, but it will also provide a clinic for those mothers who risk losing their jobs because they have no one to fall back on when their children are sick. 

And then I got even more excited as I looked at the existing cow barns and thought about how we plan to use them for horse therapy to allow our women and children an even richer opportunity to heal.

With a wave of energy and emotion, I was overcome with the realization that this expansion, when completed, will allow us to serve 40 families, more than double the number we can currently house.  With over 200 families on our waiting list at any given time, that means a lot.

As I lingered in that spot and took it all in, I glanced at the beautiful main house, which I had never seen from that perspective.  The lights were on, the house was full of life, there was a woman at the kitchen sink cleaning dishes from supper, and I could hear a mother and child laughing as they ran to their room at the other house.  There was the faint sound of someone practicing the piano in the great room.  A mom stepped outside to set her barn boots on the back porch and then hesitated for a moment to admire the sunset.

"Yes, Lord.  This is what it is all about."  I am not typically a crier, but I found myself standing there in the dark with this window into life at Blue Monarch - and this window into future life at Blue Monarch - with tears running down my face.  "I don't know what in the world I ever did to deserve this beautiful moment, Lord, but thank you for the train that got me here." 

We are keenly aware that Blue Monarch is in a season of tremendous growth and with that comes greater responsibility.  Does it feel overwhelming at times?  Well, of course it does.  However, it feels like I have been here before because I find myself ready to step onto that locomotive train again, and I cannot wait to see where it takes me. This time, however, I’m taking a whole lot of wonderful people along with me.  So, if you are one of those, hang on – because it’s going to be an amazing ride.

Lord, let us never forget to look to you for guidance, and to always remember, the glory belongs to you alone.  Amen

Love, not judge. No, really.

Last week a couple I had never seen before sat right in front of me at church just as the service began.  Being a church with multiple services, it is always hard to know if someone is visiting or just attending a different service.  

When the singing began, a woman who typically sits a few seats from me began her usual songbird vibrato tenor, which is often heard above the praise and worship team.  She has a beautiful voice, which probably made her quite a catch for some church choir in the past, but in our contemporary service, I’ll admit, it can sometimes feel a little awkward.  

What I observed that day, though, hurt my heart.  Every single time this sweet woman’s beautiful voice rose above the congregation, the new couple in front of me looked at each other and smiled.  They were not endearing smiles.  Instead, they were exchanging very critical, make-fun-of-someone-and-laugh-about-it-later smiles.

Each time they did this, I glanced over, just hoping the woman was not aware the two were making fun of her. Whether she knew it or not, she was simply worshipping God with her hands raised, praising him with her melodious voice, clinching her eyes in fervent prayer.  There were emotional tears in the corners of her eyes.  

I felt certain she was praying for great healing.  Just moments before, this woman shared with me that she was waiting on some pretty serious test results and could possibly have cancer.  And yet, there she was without abandon, praising God with complete trust and adoration.

I couldn’t help but wonder how the insensitive couple in front of me might feel if they knew more about this woman.  If they knew how sweet she was, that she would be sure to remember their names if she met them, how many immense health trials she had faced in her lifetime, the circumstances that would cause her to attend church by herself – would they have behaved any differently?

This incident reminded me of a recent conversation about a life lesson that I had with our residents. They had collectively decided they were not happy with certain individuals about something that had happened, and I knew their rush to judgement was based on very few facts, which is always dangerous. So, I used a jar of beans to illustrate the process they had used to come to their group conclusion.  It went something like this...

**********

“Hey guys, let me share a little story with you.”

“Years ago, I was excited to take the women of Blue Monarch to my hometown of Franklin.  It meant a lot to me to revisit the downtown where I spent so much of my time growing up – and to share it with the amazing women of Blue Monarch.”  

“I was so excited I could hardly wait.  The downtown is nothing like it was when I was growing up and I described the way Franklin was often considered an unsophisticated cow town back then.  In fact, there was a time when I played on the high school tennis team, and on an occasion we visited a school in Nashville, the other team yelled ugly remarks to us, like ‘who loaned you shoes today?’  I remember looking down at my white seersucker tennis dress with blue trim and my bloomers with rows of frills (that my friends apparently admired?), all of which I had made myself – and suddenly noticed the opposing team had nice, matching outfits.  When I looked around me, I realized each girl on my team was dressed in her own tennis garb, unique to her.  We were all wearing white, but no two outfits were alike.  And as for our shoes, they were a collection of everything from sneakers, to oxford saddle loafers, to sandals.  We left our school that day feeling pretty special, ready to take on our opponents, but we returned feeling wounded and humiliated.”

The women seemed a little puzzled as to where I was going with my story.  I continued.

“By the time I took the Blue Monarch women on this trip, Franklin had become a pretty hip town full of cute, unique shops, and we were going to have fun exploring each and every one of them!”

“There were perhaps seven women with me, and we strolled down Main Street together, checking out the beautiful window displays, and entering the little shops and boutiques, one by one.  I knew we wouldn't be buying anything but I thought it would be great fun to just look.”

“Pretty soon, though, I noticed there were fewer and fewer of my companions going into the shops with me. Instead, the women began waiting on the sidewalk out front instead.  I asked them, ‘What are you doing out here?  Don’t you want to come in?’”

“What they told me broke my heart.  It wasn’t easy getting it out of them, but the group finally explained that they felt uncomfortable about the way people were looking at them and acting toward them.” 

“What?  Nonsense, I said. Come with me and I will show you, you are imagining things.”

“The group didn’t want to, but they followed me into the next little boutique, and it didn’t take long to see what they were talking about.  One of our women pulled a beautiful blue sweater off a rack to show me, and the sales lady quickly came over and removed it from her hand with some clumsy excuse about having misplaced it.  I looked around at the other shoppers.  Two were clutching their purses to their chests, and one lady even looked a little frightened.” 

“I stood back and took a good look at the women I had brought with me, trying to understand what others were seeing that would cause them to react in this way.”  

“As I studied the hurt and shameful expressions on the faces of the women I had brought on this little field trip, I realized the people we had seen that day were basing their opinions entirely on what little they knew and saw, which was only a fraction of what was really there.  It was understandable, we've all done it, but these women who were so dear to me had been hurt, which hurt me, too.”

“For instance, there was Teresa missing her front teeth.  Well, they didn’t know she had suffered a severe blow to the head by a steel toed boot.  She was actually lucky to be alive and still struggled with slight brain damage because of it.”

“There was Amanda with crudely drawn tattoos all over her arms and neck.  They didn’t know the tattoos told the story of the painful death of her child, whom she was still grieving.”

“And there was Melissa with a prematurely aged face and rough exterior.  There was no way for anyone to know that she grew up in a house that had no heat except the hot air that came from the dryer vent in sixty minute intervals.  She never once got a Christmas gift as a child.”

“As I glanced over the rest of the group, I was reminded that each of them had been sexually abused as a child, by someone she should have been able to trust. There was no way for a stranger to know that.”

“Just like this jar of beans, it is full of things we don’t know – circumstances, life experiences, events, disappointments, hurts, losses – but just like the people we encountered that day, we often draw conclusions from just a few beans, only the ones we can see in that moment.  Perhaps that conclusion would be different if our opinions were not based on such a tiny portion of the information.  And then I asked the group, when you are the recipient of that, it doesn’t feel very fair, does it?"

**********

At Blue Monarch we live by a phrase that God powerfully gave me during a spiritual mountaintop experience a few years back – “Serve, not fix.  Love, not judge.”  It has become our favorite saying, and in fact, I realize I am actually wearing a sweatshirt bearing those words as I write this.

We often focus on “Serve, not fix.”  But sometimes I think we overlook the equally powerful, “Love, not judge.”   

Those we serve at Blue Monarch are easy targets for quick judgement, based on only a few facts.  So, during this season of thankfulness, I am especially grateful for all the amazing folks who love so sweetly, and support so generously – without judgement - the incredible women and children we serve. Thank you.  

Truth is, even though I will never know all the hurts and struggles each bean represents, and it’s sometimes tempting to judge from only a few, I do know our residents are the most remarkable, courageous, and beautiful women and children one could ever have the pleasure of knowing.  And I somehow get the tremendous honor to serve and love them each and every day.  May I always make the most of this unique and priceless opportunity.  

Only you know what’s in that jar, Lord, so help us to see others through your eyes.  Give us the hearts to love before we are tempted to judge.  And help us to never forget that you first did the same for us.  Amen

Here is a link to an earlier blog post about God’s message to “Serve, not fix.  Love, not judge.”    http://susanatblue.blogspot.com/2016/02/before-fixing-can-begin.html