When I closed the door to my hotel room, I couldn’t help but notice the room rate posted on the back. My word, it was $450 a night. That’s what some people pay for a month’s rent. The room was complimentary, and a very generous foundation was footing the bill. I sure hope they got some sort of special rate.
It was a luxurious suite, needless to say, and I felt like a queen. When I flipped on the lights in the vanity area, I was shocked at how amazing I looked, even after traveling all day. Wow! Something incredible must have happened to me on the way to D.C. I look great!
I admired my reflection for a few minutes and then quickly realized it was the special lighting around the mirror - not that I had suddenly become gorgeous. This really tickled me because I could only imagine how this special effect might potentially impact the people who stay in the hotel.
Think about it. One might leave the room believing the deceptive “new me” really exists, causing her to react to people with more confidence, take risks that may otherwise never happen, and perhaps even make decisions the “real me” would never consider. No doubt this might even open doors that could change the course of one’s life. Did the decorators of this hotel realize the power they had when they chose those soft, rosy lights?
Needless to say, it was quite disappointing to see that I was still the old me when I passed an ordinary mirror in the hallway that didn’t have all those magic qualities. Darn. I’m still me. Well, that was nice while it lasted.
This caused me to think about a phrase that gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles. "You need to see yourself through God's eyes." Seriously? Who really does that? Is that even possible? Aren’t we simply wired to see ourselves in the real mirror that shows all our flaws with no special effects?
This is one of the greatest challenges for the beautiful, courageous women we serve. They are conditioned, and sometimes even taught, to see themselves in the worst light possible. Perhaps they have been told since they were little girls, they are ugly, worthless, stupid – well, actually you can add almost any nasty word here and it would fit.
Naturally, this also impacts the choices they make and how they relate to the people around them. How might their lives be different if they could see themselves through the special mirror with the gorgeous light?
Shakia is an outstanding woman who is taking my Work Ethics class right now. (For more about that course check out last month’s blog post.) As you may be aware, we have a waiting list of over 200 families and many women get discouraged during that long waiting period. Shakia, on the other hand, had the tenacity to call us practically every single day for a year until we could finally bring her into our program. Each call sounded as desperate as the day before, and we could always hear her three children screaming in the background. “Help me, please! I don’t know what to do with these kids! I need help!”
So, Shakia and her three children, all under the age of three, finally moved in. Man, it was wild. The kids ran in all directions and Shakia would look at us like, what do I do?! Honestly, most of the time I was lost for ideas. What DO you do when you have three kids running in opposite directions, but only have two arms? She was overwhelmed, embarrassed, and weary. One day I found the front door of our main house locked and it turned out, Shakia had locked it as one last measure to contain her kids. I had to break it to her. “Locking our front door is not the solution.”
One day, shortly after they arrived, Shakia walked across the yard past my office, and I could observe her through the plate glass windows. Wow! I stopped what I was doing and leaned back to watch. Look at that amazing woman, walking with such strength and poise, elegance, and power. I have seen that before, but where?
Suddenly I realized where I had seen this scene before, and I began frantically searching on my computer so I could show her the resemblance.
But even though I saw some of the most magnificent animals and landscape on the planet, the sight that made the greatest impact on me was that of a Maasai warrior.
Several times throughout this trip, our group would be traveling in the middle of nowhere, with no sign of civilization in sight. Occasionally, out in these extremely remote areas, many miles from any village, we would run across a Maasai warrior who was completely alone and traveling by foot.
These warriors would absolutely take my breath away. They walked with such strength, pride, and great purpose. They were fearless despite the fact they were alone where safety was questionable. They held their heads high, their posture was more than perfect, and their countenance was regal and powerful. I had never seen anyone carry themselves in this way.
That was it! That was what Shakia looked like to me in that moment. I found an image online so I could show her the power she possessed and how much she had in common with that Maasai warrior. I printed it out and handed it to her. She didn’t seem the least bit impressed, she didn’t see the connection whatsoever, but she took the picture and promised to keep it. “Someday, Shakia, I want you to see yourself like this Maasai warrior because you, too, are a powerful warrior.”
Last week in Work Ethics we observed the video-taped mock interviews from the class before. These interviews are intentionally scheduled as a surprise before any skills have been learned, so they can truly see how they would do in an interview today. Many times, the women will return to my office and say, “Man, I nailed it!” But when we watch it later, they actually bombed. We get lots of fun laughs as they see themselves on camera and discover all the areas that need work. For instance, there may be better examples of honesty than “not lying on my income tax this year.”
Shakia, on the other hand, actually did nail her interview. In fact, after teaching this class for many years, she may have done the best first mock interview I have ever seen. But there was a moment in the interview that hurt my heart. When the interviewer asked, “What strengths do you bring to the workplace,” it was obvious she was fighting back tears and struggling to answer the question. What was it going to take for this remarkable woman to see herself the way others see her? Or better yet, the way God sees her? I want her to see herself as that majestic Maasai warrior because she is just as amazing.
This week’s Work Ethics class was the one I look forward to the most. I ask them to come to class with a list of five strengths. For some, they may only show up with three. But we will sit there and come up with more qualities and characteristics for each person until we have a list of 20 strengths. For Shakia and Tasha yesterday, we got on a roll and finally had to stop at 24.
It was fun watching Shakia as her list of strengths got longer and longer. She fought back tears yet again, but I think this time it was because she was beginning to believe us. She even remarked about the dramatic difference in her parenting, now that her children line up like little soldiers and actually listen to her. (Another miracle...) Can’t tell me that didn’t take a whole list of strengths!
Last night I went home with a smile on my face because I have a feeling the Maasai warrior in Shakia is about to surface. I can’t wait to see it happen, because doors are going to start flying open all over the place. In fact, I plan to lean back and watch because it’s going to be an unbelievable show and I don't want to miss a minute of it.
Hmm...wonder if this is how God feels when we get a glimpse of ourselves through his eyes? Oh...okay. I think I get it now.
The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
