"Please give me back my misery!"

Confession. I often consider myself a “Bible idiot.” The Old Testament confuses me and the story that makes my head spin is the one of the Israelites leaving Egypt and going to the Promised Land. It's a blurry cycle of wandering around with ungrateful, grouchy hearts and little faith while making God angry, even though he always comes around and forgives their pathetic behavior - again. 

Recently I set out to get this messy story straightened out in my head and when I did, I made an interesting discovery. It started to sound familiar because I was living this story every single day. Honestly, there are so many parallels to Blue Monarch, we could be a modern-day version of the same exact story. Here’s what I mean:

Misery in Eqypt - the families we serve typically come from generations (400 years?) of addiction, abuse, and misery. In fact, it is not unusual for our women to have been taught to use drugs by a parent or grandparent. Perhaps they were even arrested together. They literally become slaves to their drugs of choice, which ultimately leads to bondage - sometimes behind bars.

Parting the Red Sea - I wish now I had kept a record of all the stories I have heard through the years that illustrate how miraculously God leads women to our door. How God parted the sea just in time, allowing clear paths to save their lives. One story stands out above the others: 

With her children buckled in the back seat of her car, this mom parked on a lonely country road, with a plan to kill herself out of desperation. She had even put things in place so someone would find the children shortly after she committed suicide. But miraculously, a nurse (who was oddly wearing an old-timey nurse’s cap) appeared on foot at her car door to see if she needed help. When she heard this mother’s hopelessness, the nurse recommended Blue Monarch - and the rest is history. Miracle after miracle of deliverance from the slavery and oppression described above.

Those Ten Commandments - just like the Israelites struggled to follow the commandments from God, the rules we have at Blue Monarch are also challenging for many of the women we serve. However, they are necessary to obtain complete and total freedom. Even if the broken rule goes undetected or unconfessed, the action often leads to natural consequences that only make things worse. (In fact, I can totally sympathize with Moses for smashing the tablet of Ten Commandments out of frustration because rule-following is an everyday challenge.)

All You Can Eat Manna - even though God made sure they were cared for each day with manna that literally fell out of the sky through no effort of their own, the Israelites grew tired of it and became very ungrateful. Sadly, we sometimes see this as well. Even though I hear lots of tearful expressions of thankfulness, I’m always surprised when a woman does not value what Blue Monarch provides. And if I’m totally honest, it also hurts my heart because it's as if she has taken a beautifully wrapped gift from God and thrown it on the floor. After all, it’s a gorgeous home on a large farm in the country, with every possible need met. But for a few, it’s not enough and we can’t make someone feel thankful. However, I have collected many notes from ones who appreciated later what they gained. Unfortunately, by then they also feel regret.

Fear of Giants - this is a phenomenon we see a lot. The Israelites finally reached a point of entering the Promised Land, but when they saw the giants in the land, they decided it would be better to go all the way back to Egypt - to the pain and chaos they knew. At least that was familiar. Even though they knew Canaan was filled with milk and honey, it was not worth facing the unknown. And they didn't trust God to get them through it. 

This is such a great description of what our moms sometimes experience. The fear of success can be overwhelming and paralyzing. It’s unfamiliar and frightening - just like the giants. “I understand addiction. Being successful feels scary." In other words, "Please give me back my misery." 

There was a woman here who lived on the roof of a grocery store for a season. But she referred to those days as “the best place I ever lived.” To most this would be dreadful. But to her it was familiar and there were no giants.

This delusion is sometimes passed down to the children as well. We once had a child who had lived in a shed barely big enough for a mattress from wall to wall. This child even suffered abuse in this space, but when he drew a picture of the shed, he colored a massive, spectacular mansion. He had already learned to settle for familiar and make it better in his head.

Missing Out - this is also one that hurts. The Israelites who rebelled and demonstrated fear and a lack of gratitude missed the chance to experience the Promised Land. They continued to wander until their entire generation was gone - but their children were able to enter instead. 

One of the hardest parts of our job is to witness a mother making poor choices, which cause her to leave our program, while her children suffer the consequences. We have all shed tears over this scenario. Even though the mom may be ungrateful and rebellious, her children were probably thriving and finally felt safe. It’s heartbreaking to see the kids leave with her, knowing they are going to a place that will possibly harm them in some way. For that reason, we often stay in touch as long as we can to assist in finding another program or safe housing.

God’s Promise - even though it took many generations for God’s promise to Abraham to be fulfilled, his descendants were able to enjoy the benefits of that covenant. The children I just described are the ones who return to Blue Monarch years later as young adults, expressing what an impact their time with us meant to them. “I want my children to live like I did here, and I want my grandchildren to live like that, too.” They have fond memories to share and it’s obvious their childhoods were shaped by what they learned and experienced with us. So, even though their mothers may not have entered the Promised Land, the next generation did because their mothers got them here.

Give Me Canaan - I feel God makes a promise to every woman we serve. And I have seen those promises fulfilled hundreds of times in ways that still surprise me. It’s truly remarkable the impossible doors that open, the crooked paths that straighten, and the hardened hearts that soften when our moms put their faith in God, trust his word, follow his commandments, express their heartfelt gratitude, and cherish their journeys.  

But it’s the ones who grab the hand of Jesus to face the giants together who find the land of milk and honey and leave Egypt to never look back. 

*****

"And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites...a land flowing with milk and honey." Exodus 3:17

"The baby's name is what?!"

The young lady had been at Blue Monarch for only a short time when she went into labor. Once again, I found myself in the hospital with the mom of a new baby, filling in where one might expect her mother to stand. I don’t remember the specific reasons this woman’s mother was missing in action that day, but I assume it was the usual. She was probably in active addiction, and either couldn’t or wouldn’t be present for such an important moment.

After settling back in her hospital room, the nurse appeared with a clipboard and asked, “So, what’s the baby’s name?”

With absolutely no hesitation, the mom looked up and replied, “Montesuvius Daeschon.” (Pronounced MON-TUH-SOO-VEE-US DAY-SHAWN)

"The baby's name is what?!" I looked at the nurse, lifted my finger and said, “Could you give us a minute?”

“Are you sure about that? He won’t be able to say or spell his name until he’s in the third grade. Even his teachers won’t be able to pronounce it. It could cause him to be picked on by other children. Where did you even come up with a name like that?”

“In jail. My cell mates and I came up with it, and I like it.”

Well, she was pretty insistent, but I encouraged her to come up with a name that had some significance. Was there a family name? Something that had special meaning?

She finally settled on “William.” Her dad’s name was William, and she grew up on Williams Street. Perfect. His name would be William.

After William and his mom returned to Blue Monarch, her other four children came for their first visit. (She didn’t have custody of them at the time.) As she introduced me to each child, I began to grasp what I had done to poor William.

All four children had exotic names like Montesuvius Daeschon - just as difficult to say and spell. And then I realized, even the mom’s name was the name of a continent with just one letter changed, emphasizing the middle syllable instead of the first. 

What had I done? I had ultimately created the very scenario I was trying to prevent. William could potentially become an outcast in his own family, being the only one with a simple name.

This was early on in my Blue Monarch journey and thankfully I learned a valuable and humbling lesson that day. I was inflicting my own preferences on this mom when I had absolutely no right to do so. Just because it was more familiar to me did not mean it was better. And I’m ashamed to say, my interference showed a lack of respect, which I deeply regret. 

Since that day I have heard hundreds of names at Blue Monarch that are difficult to say and even harder to spell - yet I honor each one. Sometimes I get excited to hear a name that is easy to say and sounds familiar - only to discover the spelling is totally unexpected and near impossible to remember so I keep a folder on my desk with all the names as a quick reference. 

One day I decided to dig a little deeper, so I asked some moms at Blue Monarch to help me understand this phenomenon. The answer was pretty simple. “I wanted my child to be special with a name no one else had.”

If there is one phrase I hear more than any other, it is, “I have no self-confidence.” But as I listen to personal stories and testimonies, this is no mystery. 

“I was molested by my mother’s boyfriend at the age of six.”

“My grandfather (who abused me) said I was so ugly, I would always have to sell my body to get by.”

“I was pregnant by my stepfather at the age of thirteen, but my mother wouldn’t believe me.”

It’s no wonder there is such low self-esteem, and even self-loathing. How does one suffer debilitating trauma and multiple attacks on self-worth yet walk around with pride? So, it’s like that line in the movies, “It’s too late for me - but save yourself!” I will always be worthless, but my child will be unique and special.

If we were to take a baseline measurement when our families walk through our door, some would fall into a negative range for confidence. Therefore, our goal is not simply sobriety and recovery. We work to lift up every woman and child, emphasize their strengths and unique gifts, celebrate their accomplishments, and build them as high as we possibly can before they leave our campus for the outside world. The moms - and kids - develop a deep desire to become better and healthier in every aspect of who they are. They enjoy discovering who they never knew they could become. As the mother becomes stronger and more confident, her children do as well. It’s contagious. 

Last week I had a vivid illustration of this. A boy who lives with us, one who has struggled with managing his behavior, wrote this heartfelt paper at school. The assignment was, “If I was going to the Wizard of Oz, I would ask for...” 

Whereas one might expect the answer to be “electronics” or “candy,” his said:

“I would ask for help for my grandpa’s cancer to go away and his blindness and my mom to be a better mom and my heart to be better kindness so I can be helpful and loving to others around me.”

So, if you ask me, that’s one special kid - regardless of his name. And I suspect someone way better than the Wizard of Oz heard his heart. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14 (NIV)